I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
