Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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