Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
