Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
