I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
