So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
its liver damage thursday
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
