Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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