every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
