I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
