4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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