the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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