Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
