I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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