I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
