No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
