there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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