If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
