He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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