dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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