He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
