allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
