How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
