booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Randomize
