She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
