and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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