i think i have two assholes
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
