6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
