Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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