how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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