she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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