You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
