Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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