Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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