that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
