If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
