i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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