I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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