I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
