What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Randomize
