I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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