Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
