the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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