haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
