he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
