anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
