Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
