My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
