Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
