Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
