could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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