when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
